Then delete it and move on to greener pastures. One day he called me to tell me he was moving to Thailand for a few months,” Glantz, author and host of the “You’re Not Getting Any Younger” podcast, told HuffPost. When your ex texts you out of the blue, especially if they’re drunk or high, it’s probably because they want to get into your pants. When liquor is involved, all restraint goes out the window, which is why the drunk text is probably the most common text from an ex you will recieve. Do you respond? If you’re into being direct and forward, you’ll get those texts. Here's How To Respond To Your Ex's Text From Out Of The Blue. Side note: if your ex texts u out of the blue late at night it’s a booty call. Maybe it's all the uncertainty of the moment—or maybe people just think the coronavirus is the perfect excuse to check in on an old flame. Beware of overanalyzing or jumping to conclusions. 2. So, how do you respond? Whether they are hoping to get back together or develop a friendship, texting is a low-risk way to gauge your interest.”. When Your Ex Texts You Out of the Blue, What Should You Do? While texting your ex may seem an easy task, your first words may make or … You probably text a friend and say, “OH MY GOD! Except in this case, the bird is an ex… Donovan knows and puts you all up on game.Got a Question or Comment? If you have just been sitting around and minding your own business—DING—when your ex texts you out of the blue, you are not alone. If you meet publicly you can focus on talking. But remember, you do not owe them anything, especially if they didn’t treat you right. They may have no intention of meeting up or getting back together. You may think to yourself, “Hm, this person made it clear they don’t have feelings for me anymore. “A breakup involves going through a grief process,” Bird said. Should you answer when your ex texts you? On the one hand, you’re relishing the fact that you’re still on this person’s mind. Men spend a lot of time thinking about sex and fantasizing. 13 Signs Your Ex Is Confused about Your Breakup: What About You? #2 Don’t go back to how things were. “If they don’t take you up on this immediately and give you a time and day, then you can probably conclude that they were just being friendly, rather than wanting to rekindle your relationship.”. Not only are misunderstandings more likely to occur via text, but you can’t really see if your feelings have changed unless you meet up. Your initial reaction is probably one of shock, confusion, or even annoyance. So the next time you hear from your ex, give this a serious thought and take the next step. If they say they miss you and you don’t want to get back together, don’t say you miss them too and then give an excuse. You reread the message he wrote over and over again, hoping that you’ll eventually be able to understand it. An ex who contacts you out of the blue with mixed messages and crumbs is usually trying to bait a reaction out of you, so they can tell what you think about them without asking directly (and risking rejection and pain). But, remember there is a reason you broke up. What matters most is to make sure your texts match the reality of your situation. “If they felt the split was abrupt, confusing or left them with unresolved feelings, an ex might reach out to gain clarity,” therapist Anna Poss said. Why your ex might be texting you again. If you have just been sitting around and minding your own business—DING—when your ex texts you out of the blue, you are not alone. If you want to be friends or are considering getting back together, texting may not be the best route. This may not seem logical at all, but bear with me. “If you really feel that the conversation is going well, see how they respond to a casual invitation to hang out, like, ‘Maybe we should grab coffee this week,’” Rodman said. You don’t want to blow them off completely by ignoring their texts, but you also don’t want to give them the impression that you’re open to getting back together. So, why would a girl text you out of the blue? When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. If your ex hears you’re with someone new, they might text you just to scope them out and compare themselves to your new lover. As I said before, that connection you built stays even if you … [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]. A guide to pick all the right signs]. If you want to carry out a conversation or try to be friends, there are some things you’ll want to say and others you’ll want to avoid. This means: don’t send explicit texts if you haven’t even kissed the man yet. “Most of the time this would be for romantic or sexual reasons, but sometimes they might just want to be friends again.”. If your ex was the one who initiated the breakup in the first place but then decides to start texting you again out of the blue, it can be baffling. No matter what the situation is, now know what to do when your ex texts you. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]. Maybe he’s feeling sentimental after “your” song popped up on Spotify. You can’t just say “hey, what’s up” or “hows it going” or anything boring and pointless like that. Is there a reason you texted?”, They should come out with it and let you know if they miss you, if they want to ask you something, or if they just want to talk. We can’t tell you precisely what your ex was thinking when they picked up the phone to text you, but how and why your relationship ended likely played a role in their decision to strike up a conversation. It takes you off guard and confuses you. Missing your old flame and wanting to open the communication line back? The foundation of any effort to get your ex boyfriend back starts and ends with the no contact rule – which means you probably shouldn’t be texting with him in the first place. Other times, it’s a feeling of validation (OK, they do still miss me after all). Often, when ex’s hear from each other after a sustained period of time, it is due to a sense of unhappiness, loss and even a sudden drop to their sense of self-esteem. When your ex boyfriend texts you out of the blue, what does it mean? So, how do you respond? 7. “We can’t read minds and any assumptions could create more stress and conflict,” she said. They’ll say all the right things so that they can sleep with you without any commitment whatsoever. Oct. 11, 2019. And, yet, they care enough to randomly ask what I thought about the ‘Toy Story 4’ trailer.” So, what gives? Sure, you may want that. Cards To Give To A Friend Going Through A Breakup, A weekly guide to improving all of the relationships in your life, Subscribe to HuffPost’s relationships email, The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you,” psychologist, “If you feel dread or anxiety at the prospect of communicating with your ex again, or if your relationship with them was unhealthy or, “When people decide to leave your life, let them. Well, before deciding that, just take a second. “Resuming communication could also be a way of testing the waters. #3 Be cautious. In the U.S., call 1-866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 22522 for the. Take the time you would use to write something brilliant back for, Need help? But you leave theirs too. Sure, if you keep talking or feel like they have feelings for you, you will have to let them know if you’re seeing someone. Sometimes, getting into contact can stir up old emotions; it can even ruin your day. It seems that a text from your ex is never expected. The Drunk Text. 20 Questions to Ask Your Ex after a Breakup to Heal & Find Closure, How to Know If Your Ex Is Over You & Wants Nothing to Do With You, How to Recognize the Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You, Should I Block My Ex or Not? So unless you ended on good terms or don’t mind dealing with something circumstantial, don’t answer when your ex texts you. Before deciding what to say, think about what you want. Ultimately, Glantz said she realized these texts were her ex’s way of keeping her in his orbit without fully committing to the relationship. You stretch out, take your place under the bar and push that iron. Why not? “Resuming communication could also be a way of testing the waters. So, what is your first response when your ex … There is no need for it. If you were happy when your ex texted you, you’ll want to take a different method when it comes to responding. Let them know you still have feelings for them but won’t be able to move on if they keep texting you. You have no idea what he wants from you, why he would decide to contact you out of the blue after ignoring you for so long. If you are talking as friends and hoping you can salvage that part of your relationship, catch up. [Read: 15 revealing questions to know if you should even be talking to your ex]. Picture of you with something covering your boobs (you can also use your hair) 3. Sometimes, it’s a rush of excitement. Don’t get comfortable and slide back into old habits. If you have just been sitting around and minding your own business—DING—when your ex texts you out of the blue, you are not alone. “For some, receiving a text message from an ex can be comforting on a certain level because it’s confirmation that you still occupy space in the ex’s mind and it’s further proof that the attachment [you shared] was real,” said marriage and family therapist Jon-Paul Bird. And if you have both moved on, then you should be able to cordially deal with things like this. MORE: Why Guys Text Out of the Blue. When someone has been in a relationship that ended … “If you feel dread or anxiety at the prospect of communicating with your ex again, or if your relationship with them was unhealthy or abusive, it may be best for your mental well-being to [not respond],” Poss said. Okay, with that disclaimer out of the way, let’s start with the first type of text message that your ex might send you. You’re no longer together. If this happens to you again, either with the same ex, or another, keep this in mind…It means NOTHING. But after the initial excitement from the ex text has worn off, the feelings that follow can be a mixed bag. [Read: Is my ex thinking of me? In that case, respond to your ex’s texts in a friendly way, Rodman said. Maybe you’ve even been toying with the idea of getting back together with this person down the road. 1. Glantz’s story is a common one in today’s dating landscape. We can’t tell you precisely what your ex was thinking when they picked up the phone to text you, but how and why your relationship ended likely played a role in their decision to strike up a conversation. Before you text them out of the blue, make sure you have a reason to contact your ex. Only basic perverts (aka men who do not have any options and are starving for sex) get turned on by that kind of text. End the texts. Try … If the breakup happened on your initiative, and she still lives with feelings for you, perhaps she is still going to fight for this relationship. I know it can feel mean or cruel. Luckily, I have got some good answers. 2 months later out of the blue he texts and calls me, asking if I would go to dinner with him. [Read: 15 reasons why your ex stills texts you and stays in touch]. So if you’re interested in learning about the reasons why your ex texts you (often out of the blue), this article will provide you with some insight. There is no need to be petty. #5 Ask for their intentions. This video will guide you. If you've dated before, you've almost definitely received a text from an ex at some point in your life. You don’t just stop caring about people just because you go your separate ways easily. Or do they miss you romantically? But you leave theirs too. According to WebMD, men think about sex 19 times a day compared to women 10 times a day. I hope this stops you from driving everyone you know crazy by asking for their opinions about why does he text you out of the blue. They want to see if you’ll answer, if they still have a shot, and if you’re still open to them. Go ahead and gossip to your friends about how weird and random it is. Take the call and get a feel for why he or she is calling. Picture with your tongue out (licking something similar to his thingy) 8. So, how do you respond? Do you respond. I know this sounds obvious, but so many people try to start communicating with their ex without having anything interesting or meaningful to say, and it always leads nowhere. You two have a bunch of mutual friends so your ex just wants to smooth things over before you inevitably run into each other at the next group birthday dinner, friend’s wedding or other social gathering. Try not to let the conversation wander off topic. #4 Be honest. By Sarah Ellis. Reason #13: You’re Getting Married And Your Ex Girlfriend is Freaking Out. So, how do you respond? When your ex texts you out of the blue, it may mean that she can’t still forget you. What’s your favorite sex position?” out of the blue because it’s just not sexy. If your ex was the one who initiated the breakup in the first place but then decides to start texting you again out of the blue, it can be baffling. One text from your ex just isn’t enough to determine whether your ex will take you back or not, so don’t try to read that much into it. #9 Meet up in public. Whether you still hold bitterness from whatever happened when you broke up or not, keep your exchanges cordial and polite. And if you do want to get back together and are afraid they don’t, be honest. Talk up your latest work project, friends, and how your parents are doing. All rights reserved. Even if you have hope things can work out, be prepared for them to disappear soon. Do you respond? Keep things civil if you are going to respond. And if you miss them it may be a good surprise. There is no use in sugarcoating it now. A lot of the time an ex will reach out just to test the waters. Are they reaching out just to say what’s up? If the last time you spoke was when you broke up, you don’t want to fall back into a fight with your ex. Know that you have every right to ignore a text from your ex — especially if replying will put your mental health or safety in jeopardy. For one thing, my bet is he’s still fantasizing about you. Your ex texts you out of the blue, you weren't expecting it and now you're not sure what to do next. On the other, you’re frustrated because you don’t want this communication to derail the important progress you’ve made in moving on. It seems that a text from your ex is never expected. Picture of you biting your lip. Seeing your ex’s name pop up on your phone can produce a visceral reaction, like the one Glantz mentioned above. If you’re interested in getting back together you can totally tease and flirt. It’s easier than ever for exes to keep tabs on you and pop back into your life whenever they please. If you do want to get back together, make sure you talk about what caused your breakup in the first place and work through it so that it doesn’t become a problem once again. If a man you dated a while ago texts you out of the blue, he might have just broken up with his until-now current flame. Maybe he is a nice guy and just saying hello. End the texts. And who knows: Your ex could be sitting at home bored, just fishing for attention from an old flame to pass the time. And if you were the one to break things off, your ex could be reaching out in order to get some closure. August 13, 2015 at 9:54 pm. If you meet up at one of your places, old feelings can rise to the surface and lead to a hookup that you may wish didn’t happen later on. In the U.S., call 1-866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 22522 for the National Dating Abuse Helpline. But with the COVID-19 pandemic keeping us inside and anxious, people have been turning to their exes more than usual. Are they asking for their sweatshirt back or do they need you to stop using their Netflix password? “The texts showed me how much of a coward he was,” she said. Another possibility? #10 Do not meet up in private. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]. You’ll never guess who just texted me!” And then they ask you if you’re going to say anything, but will you? [Read: The signs your ex isn’t completely over you yet]. Depending on the outcome you want there are multiple ways to handle the conversation when your ex texts you. If they haven’t asked you a specific question or made it clear why they texted you, ask them straight up. But what about when the relationship was, for the most part, happy and healthy? Most of the time they wouldn’t. “It was tough because even though I was brokenhearted, I still got jitters when I saw his name pop up on my phone,” she said. How to Decide What’s Best for You, Just Stop Trying! 1)Fear and anxiety Your ex can communicate with you via texts, calls, videos, or even letters. Quiz: Do You Still Have a Chance With Your Ex? After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need “an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.”. Does she really want you back? ©2020 Verizon Media. Your ex may be texting you again out of the blue because they may have just gotten out of a relationship that left them quite unhappy or they may be in a lonely period in their life. That requires you to be as subtle as possible in the beginning. 4. “This keeps the door open for whatever type of friendship you may want to have in the future, but makes it pretty clear that you’re not yearning to reconnect with them romantically or sexually.”, Glantz offered some parting words of wisdom that we can definitely get behind: “When people decide to leave your life, let them. When your ex texts you out of the blue, you can't decode his true intentions from a few words on an LCD screen. Do not lead them on or lie about your feelings for them or you. But more often than not, he is taking a temperature of the after breakup climate to see if you are open to talking. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear — particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. If the relationship ended on bad terms or your ex feels the breakup was their fault, they may be texting you out of guilt and a desire to make things right, Rodman added. It takes you off guard and confuses you. Whether you announced it publicly or she heard it through the grapevine, exes know things. Do not text, “Hey. #7 Talk about your family, friends, and work. Picture of you in some hot, fantasy outfit (Catwoman or similar) 5. The initial feeling you have when your phone goes off is your raw and natural reaction – that’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. It seems that a text from your ex is never expected. I really want to drill this point home. It isn’t ghosting if you already broke up. Eventually, you may be able to share dating stories or even offer each other advice due to your history. Say something like, “It is nice to hear from you, but it is also sort of random. Because of how poorly he handled the situation, Glantz told him she was done with the relationship. One-word, indifferent texts. “That random ex text can cause some emotional backsliding and stunt some of the healing process.”. “It took everything, every ounce of courage and self-confidence to ignore his texts.”. What to do when your ex texts you . The property of our memory is to retain mostly pleasant events. “You can say something along the lines of, ‘We haven’t spoken in a while and I was surprised to hear from you, so I wanted to check in.’”. Is she looking for an easy lay that won’t up her notch count? Basically, these texts serve as breadcrumbs, which are normally tossed to birds and animals to draw them in closer. Complete this task and keep moving forward. It takes you off guard and confuses you. My Ex Texted Me Should I Text Back: When Your Ex Texts You Out Of The Blue. “If you think you’d like to be friends eventually or, at the very least, avoid future awkward encounters, write back and say hello, but don’t text back too quickly and don’t make any plans,” Rodman said. Wasssup hottie? It can feel really good to hear from this person, even when you recognize this person wasn’t right for you or the relationship had simply run its course. Catch up on the stuff you would talk about with any other friend you haven’t heard from in a while. That’s nearly twice as much. If they are clearly just reaching out for one question or to pick up something they may have left with you, answer if you really believe that is all it is. Like us on Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. Picture of yourself in lingerie. #8 Don’t talk about your dating life. Ask them how they’ve been, keep the conversation going for a bit and then see if they’d be interested in catching up in person. “I said, ‘OK, cool, I’ll go too.’ He said, ‘No, Jen. He texts you, “How are you?” Maybe his ulterior motive is … Whether they are hoping to get back together or develop a friendship, texting is a low-risk way to gauge your interest.”. Enjoy it, then let it go. If you have just been sitting around and minding your own business—DING—when your ex texts you out of the blue, you are not alone. It could be a sign that she likes you especially if she texts you in the evening, she wants to hang out and if she shows signs of attraction around you. 15 Signs Your Ex Is Clearly Not Over You Yet, 20 Questions to Ask Your Ex after a Breakup to Heal & Find…, How to Forget an Ex for Good: 14 Proven Ways to Happily Move On, The Good and Bad of Being Friends with an Ex: Your Helpful Guide. Relationship experts reveal the reasons your ex may be reaching out, and how to know whether you should respond or ignore them. Take the time you would use to write something brilliant back for self-care.”. Try to talk things out first, not after. But don’t vent about dating or talk intimately about it. It takes you off guard and confuses you. Since there are a number of reasons why a girl might text you out of the blue it would be helpful to consider what … So why would a man text you out of the blue asking how you are? That if you look at it for long enough, it will start making sense. Seduction should start with your text but it should only be a trigger, the rest should happen in your man’s imagination. She might also consider you a friend, have been feeling sad or she might have wanted something from you. You weren’t invited.’ That phone call made me realize that his way of breaking up with me was moving around the world.”. Is it a test? It probably means he is curious about you. My ex always texted me in the middle of the day and I knew he wasn’t just wanting quick ass because we lived hours away. When your ex texts you, you’re confused. And they may want to cause drama for you or just remind you of their presence. [Read: The things you need to hear before you sleep with an ex you still love]. Naked picture in a provocative pose (you choose) 6. #1 Be friendly. The truth is, if you really want to get him back, you should follow the steps outlined here.. “The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you,” psychologist Samantha Rodman said. Both your ex and my ex are checking on us (most if not all woman will, as most of guys will), eventually they miss us or remember us in a way, so they text us or like our posts or whatever. But just one week later, her ex started texting her again as if everything was totally normal between them. If you are unsure what they want, ask. It is easy to fall back into old patterns with an ex. Maybe use it as motivation to take steps to find love. For example, if you want to cut your ex out of your life for whatever reason, don’t respond. If you want to be innocent and teasing, you can go right to that section. Whether you want to get back together or not, meeting up is the best way to talk about both of your intentions without distractions. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. Part of HuffPost Relationships. ... Then I told him how this hurt me, and I didnt hear from him at all. OK, so now at least you should have some idea of how to respond if your ex texts you out of the blue. #4 Something reminded them of you. Your stomach drops, your heart starts beating faster, your palms get sweaty. Other times, you may have had a fairly amicable breakup but you’re just not interested in pursuing anything romantic with this person. The Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Really Want You Back, How to Stop Obsessing Over an Ex & Free Your Mind for Something New, Does My Ex Miss Me? It can be easy to pick up where you left off when your ex texts you. It seems that a text from your ex is never expected. The reason I say you should meet up in public is to prevent anything from happening that you may regret later. He texts: Heyyyyyy! It would depend on the relationship and how it started and ended. If you’re not sure what your ex’s intentions are in resuming contact (and you actually care to know), Poss said not to waste time analyzing all the possibilities in your head — just ask. If you know you don’t want to have a friendship with your ex, then when your ex texts you keep that at the forefront of your mind. If they say they miss you, it can be so easy to say it back and fall back into old patterns. That is a good question. But before answering, take a second to think. [Read: Texting your ex on their birthday – 16 clues to make up your mind]. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. Anonymous says. Maybe he also needed an ego boost. You need to know why you’re reaching out to them. So, what is your first response when your ex texts you? Liked what you just read? From time to time, if I see something that reminds me of an inside joke with my ex, I might snap a picture and send it to them. Now that you have decided what you want from this conversation or lack thereof, you can figure out what to do. Donovan discusses the various reasons why an ex-girlfriend will randomly text you “I miss you” or something to that effect. Need help? Your EX stopped texting back because you did exactly the opposite of what I did, you texted back. It can be very tempting to pick up from where you left off. Just out of the blue. 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